Rochester Kink Society

Come Play With Us!

Frequently Asked Questions

What does BDSM stand for?

BDSM stands for bondage and discipline; dominance and submission; and sadism and masochism. These initials (BD, DS, SM) are then run together, removing the duplicate letters to form BDSM.

Each letter pair represents subtly different types of play and interaction commonly found within our community.

How is BDSM different from abuse?

BDSM is not abuse. To contrast the two, let us first take a look at what abuse is, then see how BDSM is different.

Abuse is verbal, emotional, or physical violence, often occurring in an accelerating cycle. Abuse is characterized by lack of consent of one person to the actions of another. An abuse victim is often isolated and lacks ability to stop the violence or leave. Abuse almost always occurs in secrecy, and results in emotional or physical injury. Abuse frequently occurs in combination with the use of drugs or the over-consumption of alcohol.

BDSM, on the other hand, occurs between freely consenting adults. It is practiced with a mind for safety, with explicit consent of the participants to their involvement. BDSM does not result in permanent injury, and those involved retain the right to stop involvement (or leave entirely) at any time if they choose to do so. Many BDSM enthusiasts will not practice BDSM while under the influence of alcohol or drugs; neither alcohol nor drug use are allowed at RKS. Furthermore, our events are staffed by dungeon monitors to maximize safety.

Why join RKS?

Do I need to attend a munch/social before joining? Why?

If you live locally, yes. However, in certain cases, you may attend a party as a guest without attending a munch. See the Attending Parties for details.

As for why:

  1. It is a way for you to check out the group, first of all.
  2. We do this to protect our members and our society's integrity and confidentiality.
In a nutshell, we like to keep our regular meeting location and play-space discreet. Read Attending a Munch or Social to learn more.

Am I too young/too old/too fat/too short/too whatever?

If you're under 18, you're too young. If you're too closed minded, that may present a challenge too, but for pretty much anything else the answer is no, you're not too whatever. RKS members range from late teens to seventies with a variety of body shapes and sizes, political views, religious affiliations, sexual orientations, genders, etc.

Are Masters/ slaves/ sluts/ whatever welcome?

Yes. Our members are free to express themselves no matter what their kink or level of interest. As one of our members has joked, We believe in equal opportunity perversion.

I'm single/ married/ polyamorous/ whatever. Can I join?

Yes. We have members who are single, coupled, and in multi-person relationships. Some play only with their partners, others have open relationships regarding play. Some of our members have long-term, established vanilla (non-kinky) relationships and use RKS as an avenue to express their kinky side.

So I can just show up and have sex with people?

No. First off, RKS does not allow sex or other forms of penetration. More generally, though, RKS is a social club, not a sex club– if you want a chance to play with others, you'll need to make friends with them first. Although each member has their own level of comfort for how well they need to know someone before playing, anonymous play is exceedingly rare.

Couples interesting in swinging may want to look into Candle Light Associates and Entice.

What if I'm not kinky enough? What if I don't like pain?

RKS doesn't have a hard definition for being kinky, and by no means do all kinks involve pain. If you've read stories on the 'net about parties with half the attendees shackled to the wall whimpering, the other half carrying whips, the sound of cracking lashes filling the air, then you've probably gotten the wrong idea. While this kind of scene does occur, kink is much more expansive— as simple as using a feather to erotically tickle your partner, dressing up and role playing, or using rope not to restrict movement but hold a toy (or even just a strategically placed knot) in place. One of the amazing things about sexuality is how nuanced it can be— and at RKS, we embrace that full range of kink.

Is the RKS dungeon accessible?

Yes, the main entrance is wheelchair accessible. However, since our parties are at night, all doors are locked. You'll need to ring our doorbell, which is at the side entrance. After the attendant has to come to the door and become aware of your needs, s/he can let you in the main entrance and show you to one of the elevators.

Bathrooms are on the same floor as RKS. Each bathroom has a stall that's large enough to accommodate wheelchairs, although there are not yet grab bars installed.

How much does RKS cost?

Attending a munch, social, or movie is free. Coming as a guest is presently $25 per visit. The most common membership ("Standard") is $55 per quarter, but there are other types of membership– see the membership rates for more information.

Workshop costs varies, depending on whether we have a local or visiting presenter, whether you are a guest or member, and the type of membership.

What payment forms are accepted?

Cash, check, and credit cards are accepted for all fees.

What are RKS' rules?

See attending parties and play party rules. It's also a good idea to review scene etiquette.

I'm coming into town overnight for a play party. Where can I stay? How do I get around?

Destination East Avenue Inn Hyatt Radisson Strathallan
Getting Around
Airport 8 miles 7 miles 7 miles 8 miles
Train/Bus Station 1.2 0.7 0.7 1.4
Shuttle No Yes Yes By reservation
Transit Park Ave
17 East Ave
on hub on hub 17 East Ave
Food Options
Room food service No Yes Yes Yes
In-house restaurant N/A Scene on Main Legends Sports Bar The Grill at Strathallan
East End 0 miles 0.7 miles 0.8 miles 0.3 miles
Village Gate 0.8 miles 1.5 miles 1.6 miles 0.5 miles
Other food N/A Dinosaur Barbecue
Legends Sports Bar
Dinosaur Barbecue
Scene on Main
Internet Free in room Paid in room Free in room Free in lobby
RKS 1.3 miles 1.7 miles 1.7 miles 1.3 miles

Given the short distances and our lacking public transit (, we suggest walking, taxi, and hotel shuttle (if using hotel shuttle to come to RKS, check with the your hotel to ensure they'll pick you up at our weird hours). If you're bent on the bus, the Radisson and Hyatt may be better choices: Rochester has a spoke-based transit system, and the hub is just outside these hotels, avoiding a pay-and-delay transfer to get just about anywhere. Transit shuts down about midnight.

East Avenue Inn

384 East Avenue, Rochester NY 14607

At the corner of East and Alexander, the East Avenue Inn is in the heart of the East End.

Strathallan Inn

550 East Avenue, Rochester NY 14607

Located on East Avenue near Goodman, the Strathallan is an upscale hotel with a classy restaurant. Most suites have a kitchenette including dishware and appliances.

Radisson Hotel Rochester Riverside

120 East Main Street, Rochester NY 14604

Located in Rochester's downtown, the Radisson features all the typical amenities. It features an in-house sports bar and room service.

Hyatt Regency Rochester

125 East Main Street, Rochester NY

Also located in Rochester's downtown and kitty-corner to the Radisson, the Hyatt is another full-service hotel. It features an upscale restaurant along with room service. Visit their respective web sites for contact information.

I'm coming in to do a workshop, and I want to make a video slide presentation. Does RKS have the facilities?

We do have a video projector in our main dungeon. If you want to bring just your presentation and use our laptop, it can read CDs, DVDs, and USB drives. It's loaded with KeyNote. For PowerPoint or OpenOffice, please send your presentation with plenty of advance to RKS Publications ( and we can check it out, make minor fixes if necessary, or arrange a machine with the necessary software to display the presentation properly.

If you prefer to use your own laptop, we have have hookups for:

VGA connector
S-Video connector
DVI connector
Mini-VGA connector
Mini-DisplayPort connector
Mini-DVI connector
And while you're at it, now might be a good time to write the Electronic Industry Assocation and Apple to demand they stop coming up with new standards for video cables.