- Prior Guests. Guests who have attended within the last 2 years are welcome to attend again anytime, without RSVPs required. If you haven't attended an event in a few years, it's on a case-by-case basis.
- Member invitation. Members of 2 months or longer are granted the privilege of inviting guests. Requests to bring a guest must be send to the board (rsvp@RochesterKinkSociety.com) 24 hours before an event for validation. The inviting party is responsible for their guests; repeatedly bringing poorly chosen, ill-behaving guests may result in loss of inviting privilege.
- Members of other BDSM groups. Visitors who are coming from another city, and can provide a referral from another known, established BDSM group should e-mail RKS (rsvp@RochesterKinkSociety.com) with relevant details preferably at least a week in advance but minimally 4 days beforehand.
- Special Cases. Other situations will be considered on a case-by-case basis. Such requests should be sent be sent to the board (rsvp@RochesterKinkSociety.com) as early as possible before the event for approval.
There are no restrictions on how frequently a guest may visit RKS, but if you'll be attending frequently a membership is more cost-effective.
RKS is neither a sex club, swingers group, nor dating service; don't expect to see or get sex. RKS is a place to meet other kinky people, but it is up to you to be social and encourage friendship-building. If you happen to meet someone through RKS and hit it off, we're happy for you, but becoming a member makes no guarantees.
Expect to take some initiative on socializing. Someone will show you around when you arrive and some members will introduce themselves, but others will be busy catching up with friends they haven't seen in a while— be prepared to introduce yourself or join in a conversation. Hiding in the corner is likely to yield an unsatisfactory experience.
If you are coming into RKS from being an "online" player, expect to relearn everything you know. Online play is often unrealistic and stereotyped— most notably, if you're a dom, you're not every submissive's dom; if you're a sub, don't grovel before every dominant. Until you find someone and start to play, we're all equals. When you're done playing, you're back to being equal.
Do not expect that just because you've played with someone, that you will start dating or that they will go home with you. If that's something you want, talk about it beforehand.
Expect people to be, well, people. Just because we're into BDSM doesn't mean you must like everyone, or that we're all great. We're regular people with jobs, families, and other interests. Like any group, our membership is composed of people who are friendly and mean, shy and outgoing, resilient and fragile, easy-going and pompous. What you can expect is for others to show the same respect to you, that we expect of you.
Expect to see people of all genders (not just male & female) with an assortment of sexual orientations, fetishes & interests, in various states of dress or undress including nudity. There may be people dressed to the hilt in leather, PVC, rubber, lingerie and corsets while others are in a T-shirt and comfortable jeans (black and red are popular colors). Expect to see things you're totally intrigued by, and conversely expect things you are not entirely comfortable with— and be prepared to remind yourself that it is consensual.
Similarly, don't expect everyone to be into every aspect of play. Some people won't have your interests, and there may even be some who are bothered by your kinks. Remember that they're allowed their feeling, but expect them to respect your interest as valid too.
- Remain drug and alcohol free while at RKS events (except socials)
- Check your partner's condition while scening
- Respect safewords
- Clean equipment after use
- Silence cell phones and pagers, and leave the space to take calls
- Do not interfere with others' scenes— keep voices low in the dungeon, walk around rather than through others' scenes
- Avoid monopolizing equipment
- Clean and put equipment away after use
- Don't "out" other members
- Don't "out" the group— arrive in everyday clothing and change after you arrive
- Don't spread news or rumors about other members, their play or their partners
- Get consent before touching people or their belongings, including toys
- Accept "no" means no, and do it with grace
- There is no toy or person-on-person penetration
- Exchange of bodily fluids is prohibited