BDSM Etiquette
The BDSM and kink community is a subculture, and as such has its own rules of etiquette.​ If you are new, focus on being respectful, making friends, and learning before trying to engage in any activity. RKS play parties have their own rules that can be found here.
Etiquette Tips
Get Consent First
Do not touch other people or their things without asking for consent first. This includes giving people hugs, checking out their toys, etc. Respect other people’s boundaries if they say no.
Be Respectful
The RKS is a diverse and LGBT+ friendly organization and it is considered polite to ask people for the pronouns they prefer to use before addressing them.
Don't Make Assumptions
Do not make assumptions about other people or what they may be available for doing. Treat others in a respectful and friendly way. For instance, just because you see someone wearing a collar that says ‘slut’ does not mean they want to be called a slut or treated like a slut by you. They are simply engaging in a form of expression that they wish to do at that moment. Do not make assumptions about people based on how they are dressed. Someone dressed casually may be highly experienced, and a new person may have elaborate clothing.
Get to Know People First
Do not ‘cruise’. Cruising is aggressively asking people to engage in sex or other activity. Focus on making friends and learning when you are new. The rest will follow in time.
Don't "Out" Others
Do not ask people for personal information such as their legal name, where they work or live, etc, unless this is discussed privately. Respect the use of ‘scene names’. Scene names are pseudonyms people use to protect their confidentiality while engaging in a BDSM lifestyle.
No Harrassment
If you are being victimized or harassed by someone else, please notify an RKS board member, or event staff. Email [email protected] with concerns.
Negotiate Before Playing
Play and dominance/submission behavior should always be negotiated. Just because someone identifies as being dominant or submissive does not give you the right to address them in any particular way or treat them in a way different from respectful behavior towards members of the public.
Don't Interrupt
Do not interrupt scenes or interfere with other people’s BDSM activities. Do not correct people that you feel are doing things in the wrong way, even if you feel they are breaking rules or etiquette. They are likely engaging in consensual behavior as part of an existing relationship.